I have been “walking the Sacred Wheel” with a gentle focus these last weeks, along with other women gathered by Joanna Powell Colbert (Gaian Tarot and the HerbCrafter’s deck). It is a gently-invited rhythm of Zoom calls, writing/activity prompts, ritual gatherings to mark the seasonal moments. Like Brigid’s Day/Candlemas, which is technically today, February 1st. It’s provided just the undercurrent I was hoping, amidst sabbatical and my own community transformations right now. Today I’m smiling to relax into letting it all belong, just as it is, within me.
Part of what belongs is a tension between showing up for possible new seeds of life and community in Dayton and slowing down, receiving the gifts of stillness and fallow time that sabbaticals provide, if you let them. I am recognizing a drive in me, seeded somewhat by a desire to not be that white woman. I want to be about being human together in new ways, recognizing the patterns and behaviors of whiteness that often prevent it. So I can develop an urgency that is usually not very helpful in being present to what is, opportunities right before me. I notice this urgency most when I slow down, so to receive the gifts of this time. Fill the bird feeders. Make a new cup of decaf. Sit in the window-seat upstairs with Nala, both of us watching the festivities of birds coming for such an abundant buffet. Be still. Receive.
Letting it all belong…
A deep sense of gratitude and wonder also belongs in this time. The Imbolc/Candlemas/Brigid’s Day ritual in the Sacred Wheel community offered several questions to consider, pulling cards to spark inspiration for each. What creative expression calls to you now? was the first one: Seven of Earth, a favorite card now reminding me of my cousin Kendy. “A woman plants a red cedar sapling near a creek where salmon spawn.” I heard the question in terms of artistic medium, like what is my primary means of creative expression? Writing, clearly, but what else? I smiled, hearing an inner voice of how I do dearly love to be a seed-planter. I love imagining new possibilities and planting seeds toward what I’ve imagined, content (mostly) to sense that is enough. Growth is not up to me, nor is impact. I am a seed-planter. Who is also still recovering from nearly a decade of women’s circle work, recently relinquished. It is good to see others leading writing circles, and to rest here on the periphery of all that. Be still. Receive. Let it all belong.
What change–sought or unsought–is coming? came the next question. Five of Air, a bevy of eagles around a possible nest, some in flight, some seemingly guarding the nest. A card of challenge, “test of hardship,” with invitation to “defend my own place in the world without resorting to bitterness or hurtful words.” The biggest change is in the way I’ve held or assumed community in Fire&Water, it would seem. It was really important for me to write my way through my own stuff in that, learn out loud a bit, toward a space of sadness but also acceptance, surrender. It is good to have been held in some deep healing work, specifically within my relationships with women of color. It is good to realize my own patterns and my own giftings I can await patiently for offering, being with.
What healing accompanies this time? is the next question, best I can recall it. This was fascinating to me, as when I reached into the deck, two cards stuck together, seemingly both wanting to be chosen. Alright, I said to myself. When I turned them over, I smiled again: Nine of Water and Three of Fire. Fire&Water. The Nine of Water is a restful image, one of completion, celebration, coming out of (or entering into) a cave unto the light. Solitude, Mastery, Wisdom. “True happiness is found in my connection to Spirit,” reads the affirmation associated with the card. And the Three of Fire, a woman dancing with brilliantly colored scarves, joyfully, passionately, with a look of impish pleasure and self-knowledge. Indeed, the interpretive text reads “Nothing will hold you back from expressing yourself with great abandonment and rowdiness. There is no time to hide your light under a bushel. Be proud of who you are and what you’ve accomplished.” Affirmation: “I express my joy and passion openly.” My heart resonates so fully with this combination, with its mirroring of what I have come to know in my Fire&Water listening, learning. My most sacred connection-work will continue to unfold, belonging in Fire&Water streams of connection but without any sense of a binding/imprisoning loyalty or obligation. I get to be present but not be responsible for any of it. Responsive to…yes…but not responsible for…
And finally, the fourth and concluding question in the ritual gathering had to do with a pledge. What pledge do you make this season? For yourself? To Brigid? And the card? 21 Gaia the World. An abundant, grandmotherly card, with plant-nation and creatures of all sorts held in her embrace of the whole wondrous planet. Serpent, butterfly, salmon, eagle, stag. Tibetan prayer flags and bundles of blossoming plants, flowers. “May All Beings Be Blessed” reads the chapter heading, which is a significant naming of my pledge, my hope, my intentions. I do want to live the life Alicia Ostriker seemed to name observing my letter, my prose: a life of reverence and blessing. Lavender, sage, cedar, sweetgrass–all herbs to purify and make sacred. Concluding with the blessing words of Julian of Norwich: all shall indeed be well.
Be still, right here. Let it all belong.
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